It’s all a bit pants at the moment isn’t it?
I’m aware that’s an unusual opening line for a blog written by me. I’m also aware that you probably don’t need me to tell you that. But nonetheless, it was quite cathartic to type. So much so, I’m going to do it again.
It’s all a bit pants at the moment.
Ergo, it’s natural to feel a bit pants also.
We’re all missing something… a person, a pastime, a place – I could go on and on and on and on. Life is restricted, confusing, and complex in ways I never thought possible. And by the looks of things, that’s not going to change anytime soon.
Everyone I know is navigating something at the moment. Whether it’s family, work, financial, personal, emotional, it’s all been exacerbated to such an unmanageable extent, for so many, because all of our usual coping mechanisms, have been snatched away.
As you may already know (if you’ve read any of my other blogs!) – when I’m feeling unsettled, unsure, or worried, a catch up with a pal, alongside a generously decorated hot chocolate (& a large slice of cake of course), in a cosy café – tends to do the trick. Always has done. But even that simple pleasure is now riddled with concern and anxiety.
My friends and family are scattered across the country, the world for that matter, and I miss them. I miss them so much. As much as I love a good FaceTime/Zoom catch up, I never feel quite as fulfilled afterwards. Whether that’s because I’ve been staring at a screen for several hours, or because there’s nothing to inspire fresh conversation, it’s just not as enjoyable as seeing someone in person. I know I’ll never again take for granted being able to jump on a train or plane to see and hug the people I love, and do something fun.
Positivity is what usually drives the majority of my writing, and is the emotion I most often hope to evoke. Well, that’s the intention, anyway. Apologies if you don’t feel that way reading this. But I wanted to be honest. It’s not exactly all sunshine and rainbows at the moment. I’d be lying if I said I was doing great. I’m fed up. We all are.
So, here, I think, is my point (congrats if you’ve made it this far): don’t feel guilty, or measure your negative feelings against others. Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking about everything, and have started to prefix thoughts with… well, it could be worse… well, I know others who are also struggling… yes, but at the end of the day I have X Y Z.
There’s a time and a place for doing that, there really is. There is indeed, so much I am grateful for & so many ways in which it could be worse. But I’ve actually found it helpful to say to myself you know what – things are a bit rubbish right now. And I don’t know when they’re going to get better. Just kind of recognising that, and being super gentle with myself – has been really important of late.
Since figuring this out in my mind, and removing the guilt I felt, for feeling so pants, I’ve felt a little calmer – it’s almost as if it’s one less emotion to contend with. There’s a lot to think about and process, from the moment you wake up and log into the world (literally & metaphorically). Please don’t ever feel like you need to think or feel anything.
In short: it’s all a bit pants at the moment, and it’s very much okay to feel a bit pants. I think it’s healthier to recognise these feelings, and process them, than try and make yourself feel guilty for your lack or positivity, in comparison to the ‘pantsness’ in the situations of others. If that makes any sense at all. It did in my head!
Be kind to others, but most importantly, be kind & easy on yourself. Just do what you can, to get through these weird times. If that’s baking a banana bread – do it. If that’s going for a walk – do it. If that’s lip syncing & dancing around the kitchen to the Greatest Showman (‘This Is Me’ is my go-to) – then do it.
I’m sending all of my love to everyone reading this. There are brighter and better days to come. Particular love to my Mum & Dad, as always, you know why ❤
Jess Lord's Journal 